o All Men
Men, given recent events where y’all die during sex and leave girlchild in legal troubles, I intend to present the following in coming men’s conference.
Prior to sex with a man, the following must be observed.
1) You shall eat a whole meal in front of your woman so she can witness that indeed you have enough energy for the deed. Indomie eaters shall be banned without mercy coz high levels of sodium give way to high blood pressure.
2) You shall run about 30 minutes so she can monitor your breathing under duress. If you are doing “hiho hiho” like a donkey while running, sex is off the table.
3) She shall fill a basin with water and watch how many minutes you can stay under water without collapsing. This is to monitor how effective you’ll be diving for orals.
4) She’ll hold you in a chokehold and see how long you can survive, coz sometimes during oral orgasms, thighs have minds of their own. We want to know how long you can stay alive in case you are trapped between thunder thighs.
5) Sex will be offered according to your body weight. Underweight and overweight guys shall be limited to a maximum of 42 seconds. And during this, you will be required to lick glucose every two seconds.
6) And most important you must make a small video, tagging the DCI, saying that you understand that “vehicles” are “parked” at owner’s risk. And that you willingly take the risk, if you die you die.
🤣 🤣 🤣